Tag: Grief

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief (part 4)

Well, it has been quite a journey.  This grief journey is not one that we want to take but it is inevitable.  Let’s do a quick review of the 5 stages of grief.  They are:

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on

Before I talk about the stage of acceptance, I want to briefly cover complicated grief.  The word complicated is defined as something that has many parts and is difficult to analyze, understand or explain. The Mayo Clinic describes it this way “Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing.  https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374. I suggest you take the time to read the entire article and others on this subject.

The arrival of Covid 19 shut down cities and out ability to function in our usual manner.  It affected the way we grieve our loved ones in terms of gathering to say goodbye, the viewing,the homegoing service, other gathering and so on.  Additiomnally, many families experience the deaths of more than one family member at  the result of this virus. Some as many of 3 or more.

WOW. Grief is difficult enough to deal with but so many,so close together. WOW. How do you cope with that? Before, you can comprehend the death of one, there is yet another.  People were not only dealing with Covid 19 deaths but there seem to be a surge in violence as well.

It may feel like the wind has been knocked out of you.  It may feel like your life has been shattered and your heart has been broken in so many pieces.  How do I go on? YOU MUST GO ON.

ACCEPTANCE.  You must come to the place of acceptance.  It is done, it has happened, this is real and there is nothing I can do to change it. How long must I grieve.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, the Bible does indicate that we should not stay in the place of grief. Josh 1:[1] Now after the death of Moses the servant of the LORD it came to pass, that the LORD spake unto Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ minister, saying,

[2] Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, thou, and all this people, unto the land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel. Indicates we must move on with life. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. 

Isaiah 61:3 – To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

I remind you as I remind myself I must accept what is and move on to what will be.  I must create new memories and keep trusting God.  

Things you can do to help yourself:

  • Go out.  Visit family and friends you have not seen in awhile
  • Call families and friends check on them in terms of how they are coping
  • Rearrange the furniture in the home.  This creates a new space.
  • Start new traditions or ways of doing things.

I have two scriptures for you to meditate on. Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 56; What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM.  THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD.  YOU ARE YOUR WORD.  Heavenly Father, we come boldly to your throne to obtain help in our time of need.  Your word declares you are our refuge, our hiding place, and the source of our strength.  When the enemy whisper in our ears that we are weak your word declares that you are our strength, the lifter up of our heads, the one that sends the comforter along to help us.  You bind up our wounded spirits and heal our brokenness.  You come to make us whole again.  Increase our faith level that we will learn to trust you whenever fear would try to consume us. Fear of being alone and lonely, fear of feeling so vulnerable and helpless. We stand on your word that you are a present help in our time of need.  That means you are right here, right now at this very moment God.  Help us to walk through this journey trusting in you each step of the way to hold our trembling hands, to lead us step-by-step.  We believe when the journey becomes too rough for us, that you will then pick us up and carry us through the storm.  What an amazing God you are, how faithful, kind and loving.  You know just what we need and when we need it. Holy Spirit lead us to the secret place where we will find, rest, peace, and joy. Help us to be obedient to your word Rejoice, again I say Rejoice.  Help us to know this too will pass, we will have joy again. Therefore, Heavenly Father, we say thank you for being our God, our source of strength and hope. In the name of Jesus, we do make this request. 

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief (Part 3)

Welcome as we travel through the journey of grief together.  Let’s do a quick review of the 5 stages of grief; according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.

I am going to talk today about bargaining and depression.  What is bargaining? This stage is where your mind is struggling with the death of your loved one.  Your thought pattern goes to all the things you wished you had done and did not do. Be careful this can be an open door for Satan to come in and do damage. For example, if I had only told him to start that treatment earlier. If I had not been so angry with them when I left the house. If only I had come straight home instead of going shopping etc.

There are many things in life that are beyond our control. We have to learn to accept it, deal with it or make adjustments.  Satan will, if you allow him to do so, put you in a trap of second-guessing your every action, motive, and move.  Don’t let your life become filled with regret. Regret serves no purpose. God is in control so if it happens a certain way then there is a purpose for it.  

Can Christians be depressed? Absolutely.  What is depression? A mood disorder that affects how your think, feel, and act.  Symptoms include a change in your behavior etc. eating too much or too little, sleeping too much or too little, gaining or losing weight, and a loss of interest in the things that you were usually interested in.  it is natural for anyone facing the death of a loved one to experience sadness and emptiness. It is natural to shed tears. It does not make you weak or crazy to do so.

Once again, be careful though.  It can be an opportunity for Satan to come in.  Do not allow Depression to become your friend.  Don’t become comfortable with grief and allow it to be your friend.  

I have talked about steps to help you walk through this journey of grief such as journaling, engaging in activities to help others, using art, etc. But today, I am going to share with you the thing that has always helped and is helping me through this journey.  WORSHIP. God is still worthy of praise and honor. So every time sadness and depression is coming your way start worshiping. MEDITATE on the word of God.  Use your weapon of praise and worship.  These are weapons to put in your arsenal.  

Here we go.

  •  Job 1;20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,.
  • PSALM 30;11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
  • Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
  • Psalm 46:1-2  “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”
  • Isaiah 43:2  “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
  • Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
  • Deu 4;31 Amplified Bible
  • For the LORD your God is a merciful and compassionate God; He will not fail you, nor destroy you, nor forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them.

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD.

Heavenly Father, we come before your throne to obtain help, mercy, and grace in our time of need.  Your word tells us that you are a present help and we need you to be just that to us as we journey through grief. Your word gives us strength when we are weak, hope in hopeless times, joy unspeakable, and peace that passes understanding. Holy Spirit help us to pour out our hearts to the father, interpret our moans and groans. We ask you to hold our trembling hands, lead us on, don’t let us fall. We are determined to make it through this storm and we are grateful for great is your faithfulness to us, your enduring love, and your grace. Give us more grace, father, we stand on your word, your grace is sufficient. For this cause, we bend our knees, lift up our hands and open our mouths to worship you.  Thank you for loving us the way you do.   

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief (2)

Last week I discussed the stages of grief and how we can journey through grief. The Holy Spirit impressed on me to share my journey because so many are dealing with death and grief during this season. The violence seems to be at an all-time high as well as so many deaths related to Covid 19.  Grief is an emotional state as well as a mental state. I’m going to do a quick review of those stages according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote a book On Death and Dying where she describes the 5 stages of grief as follows:

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.

I reminded you, however, as children of the most high God that we do not grieve as unbelievers. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

My husband transitioned from this life to the next on June 6, 2021. We had been married for 44 years and dated for 3 years.   My husband, Mike was a big man standing 6’6 weighing over 300 lbs at his heaviest. He lost significant weight during his illness weighing less than 200 lbs at his transition. He had been struggling with health problems for the last 5 years.  He was bedridden for a year prior to his transition. 

I have not heard anyone talk about this but my personal experience causes me to believe that you can grieve for a person even before they pass. There were times that I was in denial. God this can not be happening. He is going to turn around, he will get better.  Anger.  Mike struggled with depression and began to stay in the bed all day only getting up for meals and going to the bathroom.  I told him, “the old folks say the bed will take your strength away” you must get up. So, when he became bedridden I was angry.  I felt this was preventable. I missed our trips to the condo and travel, social outings, etc.  Don’t judge. I have learned there is no perfect person. Even as a therapist I didn’t comprehend the level of depression and its effects. This anger was a problem that I recognized and prayed about repeatedly until God delivered me.        

Caretaking is a difficult process. Sometimes, we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.  Someone needs to know that it is ok.  For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14. However, do not leave room for Satan to enter. Take it to God and receive deliverance and grace to make it through those tough times.  I made it through.  God gave me grace, love, and compassion.  He anointed me to be Mike’s caretaker.  

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD.  YOU ARE THE ANSWER.  Heavenly Father, we have learned down through the years that even when it hurts, your will is best.  We thank you that you give us your grace, help, and strength to conquer everything the enemy throws at us and emerge with the victory.  You do know our frame and show us, your grace. We are grateful that nothing is hidden from you and we can pour out our hearts to you.  We bind up the spirit of regret and any negative thought the enemy would try to plant in our minds regarding regrets. We will not open the door for depression, anger, or frustration in our lives.  We thank you that you a present help and the Holy Spirit is able to strengthen us from the inside out.  You are the hope of glory, the strength of our lives, minds, will, and emotions.  You are faithful to your word and you promised to heal the broken-hearted and bind up our wounds.  We are trusting you and inviting you to fill every empty space in our lives with your love.  We bow our knees, raise our hands, open our mouths and worship you.  We decree and declare you are always worthy to be praised.  

Verified by MonsterInsights