Last week I discussed the stages of grief and how we can journey through grief. The Holy Spirit impressed on me to share my journey because so many are dealing with death and grief during this season. The violence seems to be at an all-time high as well as so many deaths related to Covid 19. Grief is an emotional state as well as a mental state. I’m going to do a quick review of those stages according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote a book On Death and Dying where she describes the 5 stages of grief as follows:
- Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
- Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
- Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
- Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
- Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.
I reminded you, however, as children of the most high God that we do not grieve as unbelievers. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)
My husband transitioned from this life to the next on June 6, 2021. We had been married for 44 years and dated for 3 years. My husband, Mike was a big man standing 6’6 weighing over 300 lbs at his heaviest. He lost significant weight during his illness weighing less than 200 lbs at his transition. He had been struggling with health problems for the last 5 years. He was bedridden for a year prior to his transition.
I have not heard anyone talk about this but my personal experience causes me to believe that you can grieve for a person even before they pass. There were times that I was in denial. God this can not be happening. He is going to turn around, he will get better. Anger. Mike struggled with depression and began to stay in the bed all day only getting up for meals and going to the bathroom. I told him, “the old folks say the bed will take your strength away” you must get up. So, when he became bedridden I was angry. I felt this was preventable. I missed our trips to the condo and travel, social outings, etc. Don’t judge. I have learned there is no perfect person. Even as a therapist I didn’t comprehend the level of depression and its effects. This anger was a problem that I recognized and prayed about repeatedly until God delivered me.
Caretaking is a difficult process. Sometimes, we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. Someone needs to know that it is ok. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14. However, do not leave room for Satan to enter. Take it to God and receive deliverance and grace to make it through those tough times. I made it through. God gave me grace, love, and compassion. He anointed me to be Mike’s caretaker.
SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD. YOU ARE THE ANSWER. Heavenly Father, we have learned down through the years that even when it hurts, your will is best. We thank you that you give us your grace, help, and strength to conquer everything the enemy throws at us and emerge with the victory. You do know our frame and show us, your grace. We are grateful that nothing is hidden from you and we can pour out our hearts to you. We bind up the spirit of regret and any negative thought the enemy would try to plant in our minds regarding regrets. We will not open the door for depression, anger, or frustration in our lives. We thank you that you a present help and the Holy Spirit is able to strengthen us from the inside out. You are the hope of glory, the strength of our lives, minds, will, and emotions. You are faithful to your word and you promised to heal the broken-hearted and bind up our wounds. We are trusting you and inviting you to fill every empty space in our lives with your love. We bow our knees, raise our hands, open our mouths and worship you. We decree and declare you are always worthy to be praised.
