Month: November 2021

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief (Part 3)

Welcome as we travel through the journey of grief together.  Let’s do a quick review of the 5 stages of grief; according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.

I am going to talk today about bargaining and depression.  What is bargaining? This stage is where your mind is struggling with the death of your loved one.  Your thought pattern goes to all the things you wished you had done and did not do. Be careful this can be an open door for Satan to come in and do damage. For example, if I had only told him to start that treatment earlier. If I had not been so angry with them when I left the house. If only I had come straight home instead of going shopping etc.

There are many things in life that are beyond our control. We have to learn to accept it, deal with it or make adjustments.  Satan will, if you allow him to do so, put you in a trap of second-guessing your every action, motive, and move.  Don’t let your life become filled with regret. Regret serves no purpose. God is in control so if it happens a certain way then there is a purpose for it.  

Can Christians be depressed? Absolutely.  What is depression? A mood disorder that affects how your think, feel, and act.  Symptoms include a change in your behavior etc. eating too much or too little, sleeping too much or too little, gaining or losing weight, and a loss of interest in the things that you were usually interested in.  it is natural for anyone facing the death of a loved one to experience sadness and emptiness. It is natural to shed tears. It does not make you weak or crazy to do so.

Once again, be careful though.  It can be an opportunity for Satan to come in.  Do not allow Depression to become your friend.  Don’t become comfortable with grief and allow it to be your friend.  

I have talked about steps to help you walk through this journey of grief such as journaling, engaging in activities to help others, using art, etc. But today, I am going to share with you the thing that has always helped and is helping me through this journey.  WORSHIP. God is still worthy of praise and honor. So every time sadness and depression is coming your way start worshiping. MEDITATE on the word of God.  Use your weapon of praise and worship.  These are weapons to put in your arsenal.  

Here we go.

  •  Job 1;20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,.
  • PSALM 30;11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
  • Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
  • Psalm 46:1-2  “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”
  • Isaiah 43:2  “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
  • Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
  • Deu 4;31 Amplified Bible
  • For the LORD your God is a merciful and compassionate God; He will not fail you, nor destroy you, nor forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them.

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD.

Heavenly Father, we come before your throne to obtain help, mercy, and grace in our time of need.  Your word tells us that you are a present help and we need you to be just that to us as we journey through grief. Your word gives us strength when we are weak, hope in hopeless times, joy unspeakable, and peace that passes understanding. Holy Spirit help us to pour out our hearts to the father, interpret our moans and groans. We ask you to hold our trembling hands, lead us on, don’t let us fall. We are determined to make it through this storm and we are grateful for great is your faithfulness to us, your enduring love, and your grace. Give us more grace, father, we stand on your word, your grace is sufficient. For this cause, we bend our knees, lift up our hands and open our mouths to worship you.  Thank you for loving us the way you do.   

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief (2)

Last week I discussed the stages of grief and how we can journey through grief. The Holy Spirit impressed on me to share my journey because so many are dealing with death and grief during this season. The violence seems to be at an all-time high as well as so many deaths related to Covid 19.  Grief is an emotional state as well as a mental state. I’m going to do a quick review of those stages according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who wrote a book On Death and Dying where she describes the 5 stages of grief as follows:

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.

I reminded you, however, as children of the most high God that we do not grieve as unbelievers. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

My husband transitioned from this life to the next on June 6, 2021. We had been married for 44 years and dated for 3 years.   My husband, Mike was a big man standing 6’6 weighing over 300 lbs at his heaviest. He lost significant weight during his illness weighing less than 200 lbs at his transition. He had been struggling with health problems for the last 5 years.  He was bedridden for a year prior to his transition. 

I have not heard anyone talk about this but my personal experience causes me to believe that you can grieve for a person even before they pass. There were times that I was in denial. God this can not be happening. He is going to turn around, he will get better.  Anger.  Mike struggled with depression and began to stay in the bed all day only getting up for meals and going to the bathroom.  I told him, “the old folks say the bed will take your strength away” you must get up. So, when he became bedridden I was angry.  I felt this was preventable. I missed our trips to the condo and travel, social outings, etc.  Don’t judge. I have learned there is no perfect person. Even as a therapist I didn’t comprehend the level of depression and its effects. This anger was a problem that I recognized and prayed about repeatedly until God delivered me.        

Caretaking is a difficult process. Sometimes, we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired.  Someone needs to know that it is ok.  For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. Psalm 103:14. However, do not leave room for Satan to enter. Take it to God and receive deliverance and grace to make it through those tough times.  I made it through.  God gave me grace, love, and compassion.  He anointed me to be Mike’s caretaker.  

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD.  YOU ARE THE ANSWER.  Heavenly Father, we have learned down through the years that even when it hurts, your will is best.  We thank you that you give us your grace, help, and strength to conquer everything the enemy throws at us and emerge with the victory.  You do know our frame and show us, your grace. We are grateful that nothing is hidden from you and we can pour out our hearts to you.  We bind up the spirit of regret and any negative thought the enemy would try to plant in our minds regarding regrets. We will not open the door for depression, anger, or frustration in our lives.  We thank you that you a present help and the Holy Spirit is able to strengthen us from the inside out.  You are the hope of glory, the strength of our lives, minds, will, and emotions.  You are faithful to your word and you promised to heal the broken-hearted and bind up our wounds.  We are trusting you and inviting you to fill every empty space in our lives with your love.  We bow our knees, raise our hands, open our mouths and worship you.  We decree and declare you are always worthy to be praised.  

Categories
Living Righteously

Journey Through Grief

Journey Through Grief

This is the first part of a series I will be doing dealing with grief.  We are in a season that we have never experienced before being surrounded by Death. Death is never a welcome guest. Not even when it is expected and even more when it is not expected.  Yet death is part of living.  Each day we live brings us closer to death. To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Eccl 3:1-4

So death is part of living.  Death does not come alone.  One of his companions is Grief. When you hear the word grief most will automatically think sorrow, pain, hurt, anger and frustration.  This is true even when it is job-related, divorce, loss of an animal, loss of friendship, or loss of health.

No matter how often we experience this grief the process is different each time. Each person even in sharing grief as when a family member dies experience will be different and unique to them.  Yet grief is a subject we seldom discuss and even though we experience it, we still struggle with understanding it.  

My background and role as a clinical therapist allow me to understand intellectually the stages of grief.  Emotional understanding and acceptance are different.  I have lost several relatives in my lifetime including aunts, uncles, cousins, my Dad, mom, brother, and in the last 5 months my husband, Michael.  

Michael and I  met in 1973 and marry Jan 15, 1977.  Until death do we part. I never envision my life without him.  Oh yes, we had ups and down, threaten to leave, headed for divorce, came back together again but I never envisioned being a widower.  I am going to share with you my thoughts on grief and my journey through this grief.  

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book On Death and Dying where she describes the 5 stages of grief as follows:

  •  Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
  • Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
  • Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
  • Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
  • Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on.

The word of God declares: “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep [dead], that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13 As Christians we are not immune from grief. What we do have is the comforter. God promises to send us the comforter.  We do have hope. Jesus Christ is the hope of our glory in us. 

The night before Michael passed, I woke up and went into his room (I had transformed the dining room into a hospital setting). When I open our bedroom door and looked at him he was moving his hand as in beckoning or as I look back now, waving goodbye.  I went and sat beside him told him I loved him, talked to him for a while (at this stage he was not communicating by speech). I told him I am tired and I am going back to bed.  I kissed him on the forehead and went back to my room.  

I said to God, he is so weak. God help me to not ask for things when I don’t know what I am asking. I had asked God to let him live to my birthday in July. Selfish, not considering what he wanted just that I didn’t want him to leave me. I said God I embraced your will.  I know you promised to not leave nor forsake me. I trust you to comfort and keep me.  The next morning, Michael had made his transition.  

As believers, we have the comforter, Holy Spirit, we have Christ the Hope of Glory residing within us and we have his promise that he will not leave nor forsake us.  

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD AND YOU ARE THE WORD. Heavenly Father, we lift up every bereaved person that they may receive your comforting power and amazing love. We bind up heavy depression, pain and mourning, weeping and unbearable pain.  We receive your peace as you wrapped us in your arms and saturate our being.  We trust you to carry us through this storm.  We trust your promise to wipe away every tear and lift up our bowed down head in the name of Jesus.  

Be Bless and receive the comfort of the Holy Spirit

watch for the next blog.

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