Well, it has been quite a journey. This grief journey is not one that we want to take but it is inevitable. Let’s do a quick review of the 5 stages of grief. They are:
- Denial: This can not be happening, it is not real.
- Anger: Why me, why now, it is unfair, they didn’t deserve this.
- Bargaining: If I had only done this, I wish I had…
- Depression: I am so hurt, so sad, so lonely
- Acceptance: I can’t change it but I must go on
Before I talk about the stage of acceptance, I want to briefly cover complicated grief. The word complicated is defined as something that has many parts and is difficult to analyze, understand or explain. The Mayo Clinic describes it this way “Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374. I suggest you take the time to read the entire article and others on this subject.
The arrival of Covid 19 shut down cities and out ability to function in our usual manner. It affected the way we grieve our loved ones in terms of gathering to say goodbye, the viewing,the homegoing service, other gathering and so on. Additiomnally, many families experience the deaths of more than one family member at the result of this virus. Some as many of 3 or more.
WOW. Grief is difficult enough to deal with but so many,so close together. WOW. How do you cope with that? Before, you can comprehend the death of one, there is yet another. People were not only dealing with Covid 19 deaths but there seem to be a surge in violence as well.
It may feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. It may feel like your life has been shattered and your heart has been broken in so many pieces. How do I go on? YOU MUST GO ON.
ACCEPTANCE. You must come to the place of acceptance. It is done, it has happened, this is real and there is nothing I can do to change it. How long must I grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, the Bible does indicate that we should not stay in the place of grief. Josh 1:[1] Now after the death of Moses the servant of the LORD it came to pass, that the LORD spake unto Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’ minister, saying,
[2] Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, thou, and all this people, unto the land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel. Indicates we must move on with life. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh.
Isaiah 61:3 – To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
I remind you as I remind myself I must accept what is and move on to what will be. I must create new memories and keep trusting God.
Things you can do to help yourself:
- Go out. Visit family and friends you have not seen in awhile
- Call families and friends check on them in terms of how they are coping
- Rearrange the furniture in the home. This creates a new space.
- Start new traditions or ways of doing things.
I have two scriptures for you to meditate on. Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 56; What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD. YOU ARE YOUR WORD. Heavenly Father, we come boldly to your throne to obtain help in our time of need. Your word declares you are our refuge, our hiding place, and the source of our strength. When the enemy whisper in our ears that we are weak your word declares that you are our strength, the lifter up of our heads, the one that sends the comforter along to help us. You bind up our wounded spirits and heal our brokenness. You come to make us whole again. Increase our faith level that we will learn to trust you whenever fear would try to consume us. Fear of being alone and lonely, fear of feeling so vulnerable and helpless. We stand on your word that you are a present help in our time of need. That means you are right here, right now at this very moment God. Help us to walk through this journey trusting in you each step of the way to hold our trembling hands, to lead us step-by-step. We believe when the journey becomes too rough for us, that you will then pick us up and carry us through the storm. What an amazing God you are, how faithful, kind and loving. You know just what we need and when we need it. Holy Spirit lead us to the secret place where we will find, rest, peace, and joy. Help us to be obedient to your word Rejoice, again I say Rejoice. Help us to know this too will pass, we will have joy again. Therefore, Heavenly Father, we say thank you for being our God, our source of strength and hope. In the name of Jesus, we do make this request.
